Fruit Fly trap

I've been struggling to get rid of a small swarm of fruit flies which has taken up residence in my kitchen and finally had some luck when I found instructions for a vinegar trap. 

You'll need:
A cup
Apple cider vinegar
(I only had white and balsamic)
Waxed paper
1 rubber band


The website I read suggested filling a cup with Apple cider vinegar, cutting the corner off of a ziplock, and rubber banding the bag around the cup. Here is the site:
http://insects.about.com/od/insectssociety/qt/Make-A-Vinegar-Trap-For-Fruit-Flies.htm

I don't have apple cider vinegar and I'm not going to the store to buy bait for the flies which are very happy with what I already have in my kitchen. SO. I cut a few small pieces of cantaloupe and put them in a glass with some white vinegar. I used a rubber band to secure a piece of waxed paper over the top of the glass and then poked a hole in it. IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM!  Death to the invaders! (insert maniacal laughter here)

Suckers

Lime Coconut Ice

Tonight I made something kind of like Italian ice. I got some limes from a neighbors tree and started looking up recipes! I ended up combining two and the results are delicious!!!!! !! !... ! This cool tasty treat is sweet, tart, and just a little bit creamy.

Ingredients:

1 cup lime juice

1 tbs lime zest

1 cup sugar

2 cups coconut milk

1 cup water

1 tsp vanilla

Combine 1 cup sugar, lime zest, and 1 cup water in a small sauce pan and boil/stir till the sugar is dissolved.

Pour the mixture over a wire mesh strainer to remove the zest. It will be plenty tart without the zest, so get rid of it unless you really want to chew your ice. It will probably look pretty with the zests left in but I don't like to eat zests. So there. 

Let the dissolved sugar mixture cool down and then add the lime juice, vanilla, and coconut milk. 

Tartness Tip:

This will be very very tart. Not sour, but tart. For a less intense lime experience, try omitting the zest and halving the lime juice.

If you have an ice cream maker:

Let the mixture cool all the way down in the fridge and then pour it into your ice cream maker and let it spin for 25 minutes. It's yummy right away but I like to put it in an air tight container in the freezer and let it get a little more solid. Takes about 1 more hour.

If you don't have an ice cream maker:

Pour the mixture into a large container and put it into the freezer. Stir every hourish. The wider the container the better as it will freeze more quickly if the liquid is shallower. If you buy those huge plastic drums of ice cream, those work great. Once you've gotten it to a consistency you like, consolidate it into a smaller container.

This will also make killer popsicles.

A note on freezing:

After using the ice cream maker, I put a layer of wax paper on the top of the liquid in the container before putting it in the freezer. This keeps an icy build up from forming on top which has no flavor and kinda kills whatever you've made. Just cut a piece of paper the size of the container and let it float on top. 

A note on adding alcohol:

Booze can be added any time, but the best results for a daiquiri type treat come when you add the liquor before the freezing process. Otherwise you get a melty slush. Melty slushy adult beverages are all well and good, but to get one that has that nice firm frozen texture just makes it that much better!

I would add either rum or a coconut flavored vodka. 

A note on preserving backyard limes:

Lime zest freezes and defrosts nicely!

A note on zesting limes:

Store bought limes will all have a waxy coating on them which helps keep them from going bad. You'll want to scrub this off before zesting using a veggie wash and a scrub brush. 
Also, consider zested knuckles a badge of honor. Lime juice in an open wound really makes you feel alive!

Next time I make this:

I will add coconut extract for a little more flavor.

I'll drop some green food coloring in the last few minutes while my ice cream maker spins for a green and white marbled effect.

Some things I hate

I hate sticky hands.
I hate sticky baby hands.
I hate sticky sandy baby hands.
I hate damp clothes.
I hate sandy damp clothes.
I hate sticky, sandy, damp clothes on my baby.
I hate sandy feet in tennis shoes with no socks.
I love living in San Diego where all those things are WORTH IT!

Chicken burgers.

My kid will eat anything as long as it's chicken nuggets. 

I really struggle with getting him to eat protein and I keep experimenting with new ideas to get him to eat some meat. Most things I've tried have actually turned out really well, but he can immediately tell that I didn't pay a premium to have someone drop them in a vat of mystery oil and usually refuses to try what I've made. 

Oh well, more for me!

This morning I pulled a bunch of things out of my freezer and pantry convinced that this day was THE day! The day when my child would look, awestruck, into my face as I placed before him this legendary meal and thank me over and over for making him the perfect thing which satisfies all of his flavor and textural requirements as well as meeting his basic nutritional needs. At the very least,  today would be the day that he eats his gosh darned lunch!

I made chicken burgers. They were fantastic. Here's how:

I thawed three frozen chicken tenders (actual pieces from the breast. Just plain chicken) and diced them as small as I had the patience for.

Tip: having awesome knives makes food prep so much easier! I have the Miracle Blade set. Watch the infomercial for fun but then get serious and buy the knives.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2N4U7B1Jog

Seriously,watch it.  It's hilarious!

Next, I whisked together 1 egg and 1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt and then added the chicken. I mixed until all the meat was coated but there was just too much egg for the small amount of thicken so I poured it over a strainer to get rid of the excess.

Then I added 1/8 cup of Italian seasoned bread crumbs and mixed until they were evenly distributed throughout the mixture and formed it into two patties. I probably could have skipped the seasoning salt and just relied on the breadcrumbs for flavoring.

Grilled about 5 minutes per side side. They were delightful.  A little char on the outside. Moist and meaty inside. Good flavor. Not greasy.

I present them to Kiddo with pride and sit back to  wait for the accolades which surely must be coming.

At least he said "No thank you. "

Fruit Leather. It's easy! No really!

I made a new friend recently who has been "blessed" with an overabundance of grapes on her backyard grapevine. As she was describing the difficulties of storing and processing enough grapes to keep the Vatican in wine for a year (my words, not hers), I was busily pintresting "grape projects" and the one that caught my eye was directions for making fruit leather. Few ingredients, not too many steps, the person promises easy delicious results, so I offer to take a bag off of my friend's hands and give it a shot. 

If you don't want to read all my wandering explanations and just want to make some gosh darned fruit leather without reading a novel, then scroll to the bottom for the simplified picture book edition. Or maybe pick a different blog to follow. :D

It is simple. None of the steps required anything I didn't already have in my kitchen. I didn't have to buy anything. Even if I had bought any of these items specifically for this project, all of them are inexpensive and  very useful for many other things. 

NOW: It does take a while. Picking the stems off a zillion grapes is kind of a pain. Letting the pulp simmer till you've decided enough liquid has boiled out is tiresome. It will be baking for a loooooong time. But none if it takes any special skill or magic kitchen juju and the results are very much worth it!

Ingredients:
Grapes (1 big ole grocery bag full)
Water (2 cups)
Sugar (2 tbs optional)

Step 1: Stem and rinse your grapes.

 If you buy grapes from the store, they will be much easier and come right off the stem. If you are lucky enough to have a friend with a vine or industrious enough to have grown them yourself, you'll probably have a variety with more delicate stems which require a little more work. This is your only chance to get rid of the stems so do it now!

Step 2:  Smash 'em. 

Pour all the grapes into a big pot. Add the water and sugar. About the sugar. 2 table spoons in all those grapes is so little that it probably didn't need to be added at all. Now smash with a potato smasher till all the grapes are broken. Don't think mashed potatoes. Think back to that grape you stepped on a while back. Smashed grapes. Don't over think it. Just smash till you don't feel like smashing anymore.  

Step 3: Boil for a while.

I boiled for 20 ish minutes. I turned on the stove, put the kiddo in his jammies, read him some stories, sang his bedtime song, put him down, and then turned the pot off. 

Step 4: Strain.

Pour the pot over a strainer into a big bowl, a pitcher or another pot. This is your grapejuice. It's soooooo good!  Resist the urge to smush the stuff in the strainer to get extra juice out. You will get plenty just by letting it all sit and drip out and if you smush it, you'll get pulpy juice. Pulpy juice isn't bad, but that pulp could be making more fruit leather! 

                                                                        (oops.)

                                    Looks nasty, I know, but this magically turns into a delicious treat!

Step 5: Puree

Dump all the pulp in the blender and blend it till it's as smooth as possible. 

Too Wet

                                         When it's just right, it will start to stick to the pot.

Step 6: Simmer

Dump the blended pulp back into the pot and simmer it low till all the liquid is gone. The longer you let the pulp strain (step 4) the less you'll be simmering. You'll know it's ready when there are no longer any puddles of liquid floating on the top. 

Step 7: Bake

Pour what is now a nasty greyish sludge out onto a silpat mat on a baking sheet or parchment paper and spread it around with a spatula. The thinner you spread it, the faster it will cook. I just tried to be sure I couldn't see any of the baking sheet through the goo. It will magically turn a lovely grapey shade of deep purple while baking.

The instructions I read were to bake at 140 for 8-12 hours. My oven doesn't go that low, so I baked it at 170 for 4 hours and then shut it off, left it in the oven, and went to bed. The next morning voila! Fruit leather! It will actually taste like the grape candy flavor I always thought was just someones half hearted attempt at reproducing "grape" as a flavor. Turns out, that's actually what grapes taste like when you cook 'em! Who knew?

I'll be honest right here and tell you that my kid took one look at it and threw the plate on the floor. Wouldn't touch it, even to pick it up and put the plate back on the table. That day he participated in his first successful timeout! Hooray for small victories!



SHORT CUT TO LESS WORDY INSTRUCTIONS:


Ingredients:
Grapes
Water (2cups)
Sugar (2 tbs )
                                                              Step 1: Stem Grapes

                                                 Step 2: Smash grapes + water+sugar

Step 3: Boil

Step 4: Strain

Step 5: Puree

Step 6: Simmer

Step 7: Bake

Ta DA!

It's called Hyperbole!

I'm finally recording all of my crafting/kitchen exploits for posterity and the amusement of my family and friends.

 I love trolling Pintrest for ideas and inspiration but usually end up trying to tweak instructions to accommodate my limited supplies or budget. Sometimes with great success. Sometimes with great failure. Always good times! 

I tend to ramble and I've been known to exaggerate a little. You might say I tend to overstate things a bit. You might even say I need to just quit it already with the exclamation marks because, after a while, they're just annoying. But sometimes I just get so excited!!! So please, take it with a grain of salt.